Day 2/3: Hard Floors and Sleepless Hours

The past two days have been very difficult. I can barely stay awake while writing this post. If it cuts short you'll know why.

The past two nights I have slept on my floor and I'm missing my bed more than I ever thought I could. The first night was harder. I went to bed at around 9 and woke up constantly until 1 am, no pillow remember. At that point I was on the verge of tears and jumped on top of my bed. I didn't get into bed, just on top of it. It was all made with about eight pillows in my way. Still, I woke up constantly until 4 am. I think this time it was from the guilt...which brought me back to the floor at 4 am, but this time I brought my flattest pillow. I didn't sleep until my alarm went off at 6 am. Last night was easier. I knew I had to get some sleep, so I allowed myself to keep my flattest pillow. I slept this time, but still woke up about ten times during the night. The sleep I got was probably all from exhaustion from the night before. Two days later and although I have not fallen asleep during class, I really don't remember what I've learned all week...and tomorrow I have a Physics final. My bed will probably be the thing I'll be grateful for at the end of this week.

Now...two meals a day, no snacks. It's definitely one of the easier ones. I'm grateful I'm at school for six and half hours than at rehearsals for two hours. That way I only have to wait an hour before I can eat dinner. I could never live like this though. I'm missing my snacks...desperately, but I also can't complain. I think if I could have one thing right now it would be my bed.

I've realized how weak I am by myself. First, I had to alter the challenge to even think about doing it. I don't think I could have survived the whole week doing the whole challenge like no showering and wearing the same pair of clothes every day and walking everywhere I went. I'm having a hard time now, but I'm grateful I was able to fast this last Sunday before I started my challenge. I've had a lot of temptations this week to sleep in bed or text a certain someone, but I know I've been able to withstand these small temptations, because although this is short, God knows I need it. He knows it will strengthen me and I'm grateful to have him strengthening me through the small things this week. I wish I could be stronger, though, and maybe one day I will. One step at a time. Maybe one day I'll be able to say I completed the whole challenge, by myself with God right beside me.

I'm so grateful I had Seminary this week. If I had to do this challenge without getting to go to Seminary...I wouldn't have been able to make it half way. Seminary has become so much of my testimony. It has made me so much stronger than I used to be just a few months ago. It has made me want even more to overcome my weaknesses and to exercise my faith. It has been my life changer this year. I know trials are short, they don't last forever. And I know I will always be able to overcome them no matter how difficult they are. My trials are so small compared to so many others, but to me they are large and they make me feel weak. The last couple of weeks have been filled with small temptations to give up and times that I felt like my chest would collapse, but Seminary has gotten me through those times so much more than I thought it could. It has been the answer to my lifelong prayer of happiness and I want to thank my Seminary teacher and class for the lessons they have taught me. I want to thank them for the strengthening me and for bringing the spirit into my life. Thank you for loving me through the spirit. <3

I am weak, but through Christ I am strong. I am small, but through God I can be mighty. I am me, and as small and weak as I am, I am a daughter of God. I am a child of God as you all are, and we are strong and mighty.